Wednesday, October 12, 2011

A Guest Appearance by the TBF - WHY SHE HATES RAPPERS!

OK, you guys know me. For the most part, I believe you would agree that I'm easy to please. I don't really have to have much to be happy and content. I try to stay out of folks way. I support when I can and how I can. I try to make it easy on others - if I can - even to my detriment sometimes. In short, I'm a pretty typical woman! That said, I need to get this off my chest and explain why I now HATE rappers.

Now that we're all over 40, most if not all of us can understand the raging hormonal issues that present themselves in this decade. For me at least, the "ranges" of hormonal shifts and the intensity of my "moods" have significantly increased. The good news is I typically stay in these places for a shorter duration of time (probably a way to ensure the world doesn't come to an end) but the level of my emotions is much stronger than before... imagine that.

That's the first bit of background I wanted to share. Here's the other to really help you understand the level of my "pisstivity" and why I now HATE rappers. The other piece is my need for sweets during this time. You all know what an affinity I have for chocolate. I've always had it and probably always will. Well, as you can imagine, my need for chocolate - or any sweet - is another indicator that now shoots through the roof when I am 'hormonal'.

That said, let's go back to last Sunday. My trainer (note I didn't call him my man, my boyfriend, etc.... didn't even call his name... indicator about how I'm feeling about him at the present moment, but I digress...) made me a pie. When I say I was overjoyed... words could not express the immense happiness that I received from tasting that pie. On Sunday, I actually had two pieces. It was truly divine. When I left the gym - now here's where I screwed up - I left my pie. "Why" you ask? Good D@$N question! All I can say is that I was picking up food the next day and thought it best to pick it all up together. What a mistake that turned out to be....

Fast forward to today. I had such a wonderful morning! A good workout. Great quiet time. Therapeutic shower. Watched a little Star Trek Next Generation. Took a nice nap. Got up before my alarm went off and went downstairs to eat a fish sandwich and take a bite out of my pie. Found my sandwich tray, took my first bite and found that heaven does indeed exist on earth. Finished the sandwich and was just about to open the refrigerator and pull out my pie to pack my bag when my trainer said, "Uh Janine (always a bad damn sign...) guess what happened yesterday - you won't believe it. Uh, THE RAPPER (no names to protect the guilty) went into the refrigerator and accidentally knocked your pie onto the floor. Aurora (the dog) really enjoyed it!"

Ladies, the rage I felt at that moment was one I've not felt often at all in this life. I believe I literally saw red. Why in the H$@#L was THE RAPPER in the fridge! He's a rapper! Shouldn't he be somewhere making up rhymes or something?!?!? There's a big @$$ sign that indicates if you are not kitchen personnel, you shouldn't even be in the kitchen - much less touching the fridge to the extent that you knock something out of it!

I AM SO DISGUSTED I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! So, I'm writing this email in hopes that it will squash my over the top, hormonal reaction to losing my pie. I am also upset that my trainer did fix it. Chris' appointment was at 1 PM on yesterday, so why in the world was there not a NEW pie in the fridge waiting on me when I got ready to pick it up at 9:00 AM?!!

You wanna know why?!?! Cause MEN DON'T UNDERSTAND HORMONES!

That's alright... I can show a monkey better than I can tell 'em...

I think I feel better. Thanks for allowing me to vent. Love you all and I hope you are doing well.

I'm off to find something sweet and my trainer better not say NOTHING about it! :-)