Wednesday, October 12, 2011

A Guest Appearance by the TBF - WHY SHE HATES RAPPERS!

OK, you guys know me. For the most part, I believe you would agree that I'm easy to please. I don't really have to have much to be happy and content. I try to stay out of folks way. I support when I can and how I can. I try to make it easy on others - if I can - even to my detriment sometimes. In short, I'm a pretty typical woman! That said, I need to get this off my chest and explain why I now HATE rappers.

Now that we're all over 40, most if not all of us can understand the raging hormonal issues that present themselves in this decade. For me at least, the "ranges" of hormonal shifts and the intensity of my "moods" have significantly increased. The good news is I typically stay in these places for a shorter duration of time (probably a way to ensure the world doesn't come to an end) but the level of my emotions is much stronger than before... imagine that.

That's the first bit of background I wanted to share. Here's the other to really help you understand the level of my "pisstivity" and why I now HATE rappers. The other piece is my need for sweets during this time. You all know what an affinity I have for chocolate. I've always had it and probably always will. Well, as you can imagine, my need for chocolate - or any sweet - is another indicator that now shoots through the roof when I am 'hormonal'.

That said, let's go back to last Sunday. My trainer (note I didn't call him my man, my boyfriend, etc.... didn't even call his name... indicator about how I'm feeling about him at the present moment, but I digress...) made me a pie. When I say I was overjoyed... words could not express the immense happiness that I received from tasting that pie. On Sunday, I actually had two pieces. It was truly divine. When I left the gym - now here's where I screwed up - I left my pie. "Why" you ask? Good D@$N question! All I can say is that I was picking up food the next day and thought it best to pick it all up together. What a mistake that turned out to be....

Fast forward to today. I had such a wonderful morning! A good workout. Great quiet time. Therapeutic shower. Watched a little Star Trek Next Generation. Took a nice nap. Got up before my alarm went off and went downstairs to eat a fish sandwich and take a bite out of my pie. Found my sandwich tray, took my first bite and found that heaven does indeed exist on earth. Finished the sandwich and was just about to open the refrigerator and pull out my pie to pack my bag when my trainer said, "Uh Janine (always a bad damn sign...) guess what happened yesterday - you won't believe it. Uh, THE RAPPER (no names to protect the guilty) went into the refrigerator and accidentally knocked your pie onto the floor. Aurora (the dog) really enjoyed it!"

Ladies, the rage I felt at that moment was one I've not felt often at all in this life. I believe I literally saw red. Why in the H$@#L was THE RAPPER in the fridge! He's a rapper! Shouldn't he be somewhere making up rhymes or something?!?!? There's a big @$$ sign that indicates if you are not kitchen personnel, you shouldn't even be in the kitchen - much less touching the fridge to the extent that you knock something out of it!

I AM SO DISGUSTED I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! So, I'm writing this email in hopes that it will squash my over the top, hormonal reaction to losing my pie. I am also upset that my trainer did fix it. Chris' appointment was at 1 PM on yesterday, so why in the world was there not a NEW pie in the fridge waiting on me when I got ready to pick it up at 9:00 AM?!!

You wanna know why?!?! Cause MEN DON'T UNDERSTAND HORMONES!

That's alright... I can show a monkey better than I can tell 'em...

I think I feel better. Thanks for allowing me to vent. Love you all and I hope you are doing well.

I'm off to find something sweet and my trainer better not say NOTHING about it! :-)

Monday, September 26, 2011

The PYB & Elvis Costello

* a review of the Atlanta Revolver Tour concert, September 24, 2011, Elvis Costello and the Imposters

It is a well-kept secret that the PYB loves Elvis Costello (sheloveshim). This one-sided love affair has been going on since 1980 when she was introduced to him via some crazy girls who lived next door to her. She has all his albums/cds/dvds, t-shirts (one circa 1981) and numerous buttons none of which she could find to wear to the concert – mild panic sets in. The PYB is fairly sure that the Revolver Tour featuring The Spectacular Spinning Songbook is only the fifth time she’s seen him live. Clearly, it could have been more but it usually depended on her financial situation at the time.

The show was at Chastain Park Amphitheater which allows the concert-goer to bring their own food and drink; very nice! It’s pretty small and intimate with decent view of the stage wherever one is sitting. The PYB had a pretty good spot last night…it would have been better to be in the very front, however.

Upon walking into the venue and seeing the one and only Spectacular Spinning Songbook she truly believed she might hyperventilate.  It was b e a u t i f u l !  

Most of the show involved audience participation, thus the need to sit up front, and those lucky enough to be picked were able to go on stage, just inches away from Elvis, and spin the wheel. Oh, how she wanted to spin Elvis’ wheel!! In addition to the wheel was, yes, a Go-Go cage.  Lordhavemercy did she ever want to dance in that cage!

Shortly after being seated, the lights went down,  and...there he was…Elvis (sheloveshim) Costello! The PYB was on her feet and “woo-hooing” like an idiot. she’s quite sure of it. She’s quite sure that the cute Argentinian couple next to her were looking for another place to sit.

EC and the Imposters started off “I Hope You’re Happy Now” and right into"Heart of the City," "Mystery Dance," "Uncomplicated" and "Radio Radio." He barely took a breath! And can the PYB just say what a bunch of stuffy-duffs were in her section? Yep, she was the only one dancing and carrying on.  How on earth does one sit during Mystery Dance or Radio Radio???  His awesome Go-Go Dancer didn’t stop once during the barrage of music…ah, something new to aspire to be!

The first skank lucky girl to spin the Songbook

 Other spins gave the audience:
  • Town Cryer - SPIN 2
  • Alison - SPIN 3
  • Stella Hurt - SPIN 4
  • Watch Your Step - SPIN 5
  • Secondary Modern – (not a spin, they just wanted to play it)
  • "I Can Sing A Rainbow" Jackpot - SPIN 6

Elvis (ilovehim) playing guitar while dancing with another skank lucky girl.

All this time The PYB could not believe she was there…the band was so ON and looked like they were having such a good time. The subsequent spinners were invited to sit at the Atomic CafĂ© and enjoy a cocktail or take a turn in the cage.  She HAD to get down there!

Songs that followed were:
·      Greenshirt/Red Shoes/Purple Rain (yes, Prince’s Purple Rain)
·      Poor Fractured Atlas/Talking In The Dark
·      Payday
·      His Latest Flame
·      Beyond Belief - SPIN 8
·      Accidents Will Happen - SPIN 9
·      And Your Bird Can Sing (Beatles)
·      Everyday I Write The Book - SPIN 10

Yes, Skank Lucky Girl # 5 or 6. Ah, hell, she lost count.

And then they left the stage. 

No. They couldn’t be done yet! No “Pump It Up" or "Monkey to Man?” (EC’s personal fav). And, the PYB hadn’t been chosen for the wheel yet!! What a tease EC can be! 

Of course, they came back on stage and performed “Condemned Man” and “Watching The Detectives.”  Two more girls were chosen to spin, but they just wanted to hear “Peace Love and Understanding.” I’m not really sure they even knew any other Elvis songs, the little wenches. They stood there and giggled. Annoying.

So, thus ended the evening and The PYB's two dreams for the evening went unrealized, blast it and curses, but The Great Elvis Costello (sheloveshim) did not disappoint and she loved hearing all her old favorites. He was in great form and the Imposters never skipped a beat. Perhaps The PYB should have started a Facebook campaign to get called up to spin the wheel. FB campaigns for anything and everything seem to work. Too little, too late...BUT, there IS the show in Indianapolis next week....!


Thursday, August 18, 2011

The Petite Young Blonde’s One and Only Political Rant

As a rule the PYB refrains from discussing politics especially with those whose views differ. She has learned that most folks are pretty steadfast in their beliefs and no one is going to change hers and she highly doubts she could change anyone else’s mind either.  She will NOT be attempting to that here, in case you thought that’s where this rant is going. No, she’s just plain disgusted and needs to get a few things off her chest. Lucky you. So without further ado, The PYB presents her reasons for the disdain she holds for  politicians in no particular order.

  1. Political campaign commercials – or “let’s see what bigger lie I can tell about my opponent than he told about me for a gazillion dollars of air time.”  These things are a crock. The PYB really doesn’t care to listen to this crap any more. Thank goodness for the mute button and she can’t hit that thing fast enough during election time. Wouldn’t you like to see them completely abolished from TV and radio? You aren’t getting truths from ANY of those jokers in 60 seconds so what’s the point?  Guess what – YouTube is free and one of the highest used search engines – let the public decide which political commercial they want to watch and stop force feeding it to the public at large via television and radio.

  1. Speaking of campaigning it’s pretty sickening to think of how much money is spent trying to convince “non-believers” to come to the politician’s camp.  The millions spent on one, just one, campaign could do so much good by feeding the hungry in THIS country, or buying books/computers for school kids, or hey, how about using as a bonus to firefighters, policemen & women, and teachers! Multiply those millions by the number of tacky politicians running in state and national elections and the deficit could just possibly go down a few notches. 

  1. Campaign money – stop taking it from the big corporations! It can be compared to a date: the fella buying dinner is going to expect a lil’ sumpin’ sumpin’ for doling out his cash.  It’s for the people by the people. Not for the megacorp.

  1. Social Security.  Ah, hell, never mind. The PYB will never see it.

  1. Healthcare. Sick people = a sick nation. Healthy people = a healthy nation. Pretty simple. 

  1. To all the hot-shot male politicians – Keep.It.In.Your.Pants.

  1. Education. No Child Left Behind is a DISASTER.  It creates 5’10” 14 year olds still trying to get out of 5th grade. Ok, small exaggeration, but you get the drift. It has also tied the hands of good teachers who could really make a difference if given the chance to really teach a subject and not teach for a standardized test.  Atlanta Public Schools. Enough said.

  1. Taxes. Hey, Washington! Check it out:

  1. Washington perks – she wants some of that! Her job is as equally important to the people she has contact with on a daily basis and the PYB does it without lying, corruption, blackmail, kickbacks or extravagant trips and gifts. Ok, so sometimes a client will bring her a cupcake or a thank you card; not the same.  She’d like her healthcare insurance without all the red tape, too. 

  1. STOP THE “WE” AGAINST “THEM” CRAPOLA! It’s United States not Democrat States or Republican States or, God forbid, Tea Party States.  People in Washington -  hear the PYB when she says, “start working together.”  If it's a good idea does it really matter what party presents it?? When the PYB taught preschool her 3 year old class cooperated better than you bunch of bozos.  You’re acting like fighting siblings for crying out loud. She is NOT impressed. It’s flat out disgusting. Are you really sure you’re representing your constituants’ wishes? She thinks not. Or, is it your ego vs. their ego? She thinks so.  Suck it up, put your egos on hold and do the right thing by the people in this county; she doesn't care what party you represent. If you don’t watch out all of you will be sent into permanent time-out. Grow the F up.

  1. The Speaker of the House, who is white, should not have darker skin than the mixed-race President of the United States. Stay out of the tanning bed; it causes melanoma, dumb-ass.
And finally:

  1.  Would a strong, brilliant, NORMAL female PLEASE step up and replace the crazy, nonsensical, foolish, idiotic, silly, absurd, ridiculous, ludicrous, preposterous, farcical, laughable, imbecilic, harebrained, cockamamie, half-baked, impracticable, senseless, cockeyed, daft, kooky whack jobs of women who think they qualify to run this country.  Maybe one or two who know their American history, foreign policy, doesn't practice witchcraft (allegedly or real), can follow through on their commitments and have sassy gay friends. The PYB is completely embarrassed for her gender.

Oh, wait; any sane, strong, brilliant, NORMAL woman would never consider running for office while that current political climate is still in Washington.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Open Letter to the Chastain Park Jogging Woman

Good morning,

The PYB can tell that you run alot. She means ALOT. You are so tan and totally cut, but also freakishly skinny, like a 12 year old boy. She's sure your running partner has a hard time keeping up with you.

Oh, you don't remember the PYB? 

She was one of the two people in the blue Scion who was waiting for you to cross the street so that they could take a left hand turn. You see, you were jogging up the hill in your black sports bra and cropped lycra jogging pants that outlined your impossibly tiny, but muscular legs, and we stopped so that you could cross the street and not have to stop your run. But, you DID stop. In the middle of the road. And stretched like a sleek black cat with your arms up above your head and then dropped your torso with your hands down to your shoes and turned around so that your ass was facing the car. The driver's side of the car. Where the Hunky Husband was sitting and waiting to make the turn. Yes, Ms. Chastain Park Jogging Woman, we noticed. Especially as the pink rubberbandish waist strap of your neon pink thong popped out of your lycra pants. Nice. Classy. Right there - in the driver's side window. Then, after a count of about 10 seconds you straightened up, did a head roll, looked at the HH and started back the way you came. Really?

The PYB can only hope the sound of laughter followed you down the hill. 


The PYB.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Spectacles for the Petite Young Blonde

The PYB doesn't wear eyeglasses just as a personal fashion statement. She is optically deficient; sad, but true.  So it's time for her to update her prescription and find a new pair of frames.  Of course, her first choice is ALWAYS cat-eye, but for true vintage cat-eyes she would need to shrink the size of her head which isn't currently an option unless she resorts to using this crazy-ass product:

No way! Not even for cat-eyes. Fashion doesn't have to hurt.

After scouring the internet for HOURS the frames pictured below are what the PYB has found thus far. She would greatly appreciate any and all suggestions OR if you have any leads on vintage frames for wide-headed women with quirky tastes in well, everything, please let her know!

These are pink plaid...PINK PLAID!!

Hard to see, but these have rhinestones and are in the current running for sunglasses.


Blue and gold - go Wildcats!

Pink and black zebra stripe! Also being considered for sunglasses & the closest she's found to true cat-eyes.

More pink! She's sensing a trend...

Black and lime green with cut out flowers!

More black and lime green.

Red and white stems!

The PYB can embellish these herself with crystals.

And finally, more pink frames.

She values your well thought out & insightful opinions; or, whatever pops into your head.  Comments below............

Sunday, June 12, 2011

The PYB Movie Review for June 12, 2011: Super 8

5 Shades of Blonde out of 5!!

The PYB LOVED this movie! It had all the elements she desires for an afternoon forget-about-reality type of day: surprise, thrills, suspense, ALIENS, action, humor, great acting & effects.  Steven Speilberg & JJ Abrams are the Super 2. What a great combination of genius!  Together they have created a the summer blockbuster.  This team must work together again.

The main characters are a group of kids who are in the process of making a zombie movie (it reminds the PYB of her Petites Jeunes Filles Brunettes and their cousins filming their version of Harry Potter over three summers/Christmas' when they were together).  This group is also reminiscent of the Stand By Me gang - always there for each other. 

Kyle Chandler transforms his angry dad/coach role in Friday Night Lights to the angry dad/Deputy Sheriff - both are yummy. 

She won't go into the story so to save the fun for you.  Just know that she jumped, grabbed, and hollered quite a few times through this one...and loved every minute of it! Go see this movie - it's MINT!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

The PYB Movie Review for April 2, 2011: Insidious - 4 Shades of Blonde out of 5.


The PYB appreciates the horror movie that's not a all in-your-face-here's-the-creepy-damn-monster-isn't-it-scary kind of movie.  Insidious gives the viewer quick glimpses of "things" that aren't long enough to really see what it is, but long enough that you know you don't want these "things" to follow you home that night and hide out in your bedroom. Sometimes the vision from your own imagination is much worse than any monster/ghoul/ghosty/demon Hollywood can dream up. There is definitely a Hitchcock stirred with Poltergeist flavor in this keeper of a creeper.

Here are the things she has learned this evening for herself, however these could translate into your own movie going habits:

1. See horror movies ONLY with the Super Buff Gay Friend with Super Model Good Looks. Or someone who appreciates horror flicks....the Hunky Husband with 6-pack Abs is just not interested in movies like this and it just gets annoying, "Why should I care about this family? What's their back story? If they don't move out I'm leaving," and on and on.  SBGF is a wonderful horror movie companion because he understands that a scary flick is what it is.  Just roll with it and scream in the appropriate moments, which the PYB did with fervor while watching Insidious.
2. Do not go to a PG13 rated movie at night when all the teenagers are there with their mouths running  and fingers texting (excuse me, honey, can you please make the font bigger I can't quite read what you're writing right now....).  "No, Boo, I can't talk right now. I'm at a movie." It took all the PYB had in her not to rip the phone out of that kid's hand and throw it across the blasted theater.  This is when having been sick with a sinus infection can come in handy - simply start coughing and blowing your nose.  It's a good way to clear the seat next to yourself.

3. Make sure you are grabbing the right person during the freaky-deeky parts. However, this can also aid in moving the annoying teenager with the small-fonted texts.

4. Nachos are not an appropriate snack choice for this movie. First of all that crap is just nasty and, second, the person in front of you won't appreciate the cheese winding up in her hair - there are lots of jumpy moments and stuff just naturally flies from your lap.

SBGF - she would like to see this one again, so text the PYB, but just while not in movie theater.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

The Petite Young Blonde Blistered and Toenail-less or The PYB Does the Susan B. Koman 3-Day for the Cure

A few years ago La Petite Soeur (LPS) called the PYB to see if she wanted to join her and a group in her gym for the 3-Day Walk in October in Atlanta.  The entry fee was a $2,500 donation per person so the PYB got to work writing letters to friends and family for assistance. And training! A person doesn’t just get off the couch and walk 60 miles, you know.  For those of you who are unaware, and surely you must have been in a coma, the Susan B Koman Foundation raises money for breast cancer research and awareness. Their biggest fundraiser is the series of 60 mile in 3 days walks they have in major cities across the United States.

The group LPS joined was made up of trainers from a gym she belonged to and some of their clients; perhaps about 10-12 people in all.  They planned fundraisers to help raise the money for the walk by organizing a children’s fun day, a square dance and a wine tasting/auction (which was the most successful and the most fun).  The PYB couldn’t train with the gym group because of distance, they were about an hour away, so she spent a lot of time on the Silver Comet Trail.  That was her downfall – no hills, but she’ll get to that a bit later.

Preparation was a must! So she read the 3-Day website and testimonials from other walkers and bought the “right” shoes, Glide for friction, the fanny pack, the socks, the Under Armour shorts, air pump and inflatable mattress, etc.  She also signed the waiver that stated, “You may die during the course of this walk.”  She paused for about a second or two and continued on.  The instructions also said no iPods.  NO IPODS???  The PYB could not possibly walk without her music. If caught wearing headphones while walking would mean immediate expulsion from the walk; it was a safety precaution.  Annoyance? Yes. Game changer? No. If women could go through chemo and radiation surely she could go three days without her iPod – no place to charge it any way. 

So training continued, fund raising continued and the money began coming in.  Some of you reading this may have been contributors for which the PYB still thanks you.  Every bit counted from the quarters given by kids at the children’s fun day to the checks for $10, $15, $50 & $100 from family, friends and even strangers.  The PYB was truly overwhelmed by the generosity.  She had several people she was walking for: Aunt Mari, Wanda S, Connie B, Gwen C, and indirectly for The Mama, Jack, Grandpa, Guy, Linda S, and Cheryl W.  Cancer really pisses off the PYB.

Day One

The day of the walk finally arrived. The PYB barely slept the night before, but the adrenaline was pretty intense.  She had spent the night with LPS and they drove over to the starting point at North Point Mall with all their equipment: overnight bags, air mattress, pump, water bottles, blankets, etc.  An incredible number of volunteers were on hand and it ran like clockwork.  Truly amazing organization! The PYB & LPS took their overnight bags, mattress and pump to the appropriate trailer, picked up their badges and other goodies to decorate their hats.  Did she mention it was cold? A very brisk morning, but she didn’t bring a jacket as the day promised to be an Indian Summer kind of October day.  So she shivered in the morning chill but the opening ceremonies got them moving.  It was announced the first day would be 18 miles.  As they began walking, she thought to herself, “What I have I gotten myself into?”  Remember she had had only a few hours of sleep.  So, slathered down with Glide on her bra line, inner thighs and feet, they were off and there was no turning back.

The organizers of the 3-Day are sincerely genius level individuals.  About every 3 miles there’s a rest stop with a gazillion port-a-potties, a medic tent, water/Powerade stations, and high energy snack tents.  She has to say, that the port-a-potties were the absolute cleanest she had ever been in….hmmm….maybe it’s because mostly women were using them? Yes, there were men in the walk (one without legs, mind you), but the women outnumbered them perhaps 15 to 1.  The organizers are serious about fluid intake; they stated that if a walker wasn’t peeing every hour they weren’t drinking enough.  The PYB was taking NO chances and was going through water bottle after water bottle.  No dehydration worries here!

It was fun to see the other walkers’ outfits.  Most came to walk in a group like the PYB did and a lot of them had matching shirts and hats: Save the Tatas, Operation TaTas, Breast Man Walking, Professional Street Walker, Nurses for Knockers to name a few or simply the name of the person for whom they’re walking. And pink; lots of pink: tutus, rabbit ears, tshirts, shorts, feather boas, and hats adorned with buttons and pins. It’s definitely an occasion when a man can be very comfortable sporting the color pink.

Along the route there are volunteers on bicycles, motorcycles and vans; all decorated, of course. These volunteers provide encouragement, safety at crosswalks, and help in case one finds themselves in trouble. Or if you simply want to stop for the day you can hop on a van and they’ll take you to a bus that will transport you back to camp.  Yes, she said camp. As in tents.

Most of the route was contained to Gwinnett county with maybe the walkers touching the fringes of Fulton county.  May the PYB just say that Gwinnett is FULL OF HILLS.  Lord, they were about to kill her.  The first few hours went really well; the team stuck together for most of the day. Plenty of food and water was provided, but, yes walking 18 miles was pretty difficult. She was worried about her feet blistering, but that wasn’t an issue. Her thighs, on the other hand, were screaming.  The PYB did train prior to the event, but not as much as she had hoped to because she was down for the count with a back injury for about a month and a half.  However, once she was mobile again she worked up to seven miles, but that was it. Eighteen miles was definitely a challenge.  With the required stops it took the PYB about 8 hours to complete the first day.  Man, was she pooped!

Although some of the adrenaline had worn off it was pretty exhilarating to make it back to camp…to find that she and the LPS had to erect their TENT for the night. It was lying there on the ground in a bag at their assigned spot looking all innocent. How hard could it be? But, really. They had just walked 18 miles and their legs could barely hold them up any more and they STILL had to walk to the dinner tent.  So, fine, they could do this…after all they did just walk 18 miles and who knew they had that in them??  They dumped the tent parts out onto the grass and just stood there looking at all the poles and canvas and stakes. All those pieces looked as foreign to them as a calculus formula.  After a very frustrating 20 minutes of getting nowhere the Boy Scouts finally arrived and had that puppy up in about three minutes flat. Thank you, boys!  Off to dinner!

Since they were too tired for the nightly entertainment the PYB and LPS went back to their tent to blow up the mattress, get their overnight bags and hit the showers.  As it turned out the mattress just fit in the tiny tent so the overnight bags were going to have to stay outside. The portable showers and potties, located on the other side of an arched footbridge, were a bit weak, but nothing felt so good as it…unless it was a cushy hotel room with a spa tub.  

By that time it was getting dark and cold. They were beat. So LPS climbed into the tent first and then the PYB. Apparently, they didn’t inflate the mattress completely because when the PYB climbed onto the mattress it nearly bounced the LPS right off! When the LPS rolled back on The PYB was tossed to the other side.  And it didn’t help that they were laughing hysterically because they could barely move in all the clothing they had to put on due to the dip in temperature. 

It didn’t take too long to get settled in and start to fall asleep…except from the moaning and groaning as muscles tried to relax. It was going to be a very early morning and another 18 miles; sleep was a necessity.  Unfortunately, so was going to the bathroom…curses! It was about 2am, colder, and good walk to the Potty Patch.  So, the PYB carefully climbed out of the sleeping bad (ouch) trying not to disturb the LPS (ouch).  On with the shoes (ouch) and tried to find the path leading to the bathrooms.  She found her way and hit the footbridge only to fall flat on her ass (OUCH!). You’ve seen the signs, “Warning! Bridge ices faster than roadway,” well, it’s true. There was actually frost on the bridge! She didn’t realize it was getting that cold! She carefully went up and then down as there was an arch in it she finally made it to the Potty Patch and did her thing  - in the dark; she forgot the flashlight.  Upon coming out she also realized she was not wearing her glasses. Just damn.  How she made it over to the Pottie Patch she really doesn’t know. Instinct, need, pure damn luck? There were some free standing lights, but not a lot.  First, make it to the bridge…do not land in the creek! Over bridge, taking shuffling baby steps, across the field to the tents.  The tents. ALL THOSE TENTS. Where the hell was hers?  NOOOOOO!!!!  Why didn’t she put on her glasses? Why didn’t they decorate theirs?! Curse word, curse word, curse word!  What aisle were they on? Come on, think…..

“LPS….LPS…” in a very loud whisper….walk, walk, walk, squint, squint, squint… “LPS! LPS!”

This was not working. All she needed was to crawl into someone else’s tent by mistake.
Blast it. After wandering down aisle after aisle for about 8 minutes squinting to see if she could determine one tent from another she finally spotted their overnight bags outside their tent. Success! So off with the shoes (ouch) and carefully into the sleeping bag (ouch) and the LPS promptly gets knocked off the mattress and rolls into the side of the tent.  It was going to be a long night.

Day Two:

Every muscle felt like it had seized up on her when she awoke a few hours later.  The LPS wasn’t doing much better either.  The PYB had not been as aware of her quads as she was that morning.  They were mad at her and had no problem relaying that message. They opened the tent flap to find that their bags were covered in, not just frost, but ice. Yes, it had rained during the night. Yay! Cold and wet clothes! Fortunately their shoes had been in the tent.  Thanks goodness they had rain ponchos, too.  So, it was going to be a challenging day that was made apparent.  And it was.

The PYB decided to take her second pair of shoes since it was going to be a wet day. It never just really poured, but it was enough to keep her feet wet and her poncho steamy underneath.  And if she thought the hills were bad the first day she was in for a rude awakening on day two. It wasn’t so much the climbing up the hills any more; there’s a zone one can find within oneself to deal with that. What was problematic was walking down. That causes friction on the toes and if you have ever thought about it your toes kind of stick up as you walk down a hill, at least the PYB’s did on that walk.  Combine that with wet shoes and socks and you have major feet issues!  Pain, lots of pain!! She hit every medic tent to reapply Nuskin and band-aids to her blossoming blisters.  She continually slathered Vaseline petroleum jelly on her petites pieds and added half a shoe full of powder. About half way through the day she ditched the shoes she started out in and put on the ones she wore the day before along with some dry socks. That helped but she definitely was walking with a different gait than she normally would to avoid putting pressure on some of her tender spots.  It was sort of a lurching stride but on the outside of her feet; the kind of walk that might scare small children and animals. 

(She was going to insert some pictures of blistered feet here, but, frankly, they were too disgusting)

That night she waited about an hour after dinner to have her appendages that used to be feet looked at by the medics. The entire ball of her right foot was blistered so that sac of liquid was lanced along with the ones on that covered the entire backs of her heels. By that night a lot of folks were hobbling around.  Couldn’t go barefoot because she didn’t want to get dirt in her wounds, but it also hurt to wear shoes. Crawling was out of the question; that would just look stupid. She had downed about 10 Motrin tablets to help with the increasingly sharp muscle pain throughout the day. She was barely interested in food or a shower and only wanted to go to sleep.  Later in the middle of that second night, she remembered her glasses on the way to the Pottie Patch.  She wasn’t going to make that mistake again.

Day Three

It was finally the last day of the walk and the mileage to shuffle was the highest of the three days. To cut to the chase, she didn’t make the entire walk. She made it about 10 miles and was transported the last ten. By then her toenails on her big toes were kind of, well, moving around….three of her nubby toenails had already slid off, and must have fallen out of her socks when sitting down with the medics.  Honestly, she felt pretty sorry about not completing the walk; almost like a loser.  However, she truly couldn’t go any further. Remember the giant blister on the ball of her right foot? Completely messed up and the skin had started to come off leaving a nice, red, raw patch that felt like red hot pokers were being inserted with every step. It just wasn’t gonna happen any longer.  Her feet were toast.

The incredible part of the entire 3 days was the other walkers, the volunteers, the “sideline” supporters cheering everyone on.  Every arrival to a rest stop or a crosswalk was greeted with clapping and cheering.  People lined the streets to clap and cheer and/or pass out snacks, buttons, beads, etc (no one has cheered or applauded her arrival since).

The whole event was a feel-good situation.  Great people, great cause.  That was the purpose. The PYB desperately hopes her Petites Jeunes Filles Bruns will never have to face breast cancer or any cancer for that matter and if a few blisters and some missing toenails helps the cause then it was well worth it.

For more information please visit: