Sunday, December 30, 2012

The Petite Young Blonde's Guide to the New Year: The 2013 Edition

Compliment one person every day.  It may just be what someone needs to hear to turn that person’s day around.

Be patient with the fast food worker taking your drive-thru order. His job already sucks and the intercoms are cheap. He’s probably doing the best he can.

 Take your old towels and stacks of newspapers to an animal shelter.

Write and send a love letter.

 Treat yourself to a luxurious bath: bubbles or bath salt, scented candle, wine and a good book (don’t drop the book – she speaks from experience). Do this at least once a week. It’s relaxing and helps one to decompress.

Not exactly what the PYB's looks like......

Leave extra grocery coupons on the shelves next to the items for which they can be used. It’s always a nice surprise to find them.

If you use toll roads pay for the person behind you. Again, it’s a nice surprise.     


Get enough sleep. This may require laying down the law with kids or putting the Stupid Damn Cat (PYB’s night-time nemesis) in the basement. Melatonin can help. The people around you during the day will thank you. It’s beats being a cranky-ass.

You know the little things that piss you off on a daily basis and tend to put in you in a bad mood? Try just shaking your head and snicker about them instead. Just try it. Anger can wreck the whole day/life.

And bouncing off the guideline above – laugh at yourself.  As a good friend always tells the PYB: it’s content.

Go to a museum, a play, a ballet, or listen to some live music. Feed your creative/artistic side (yes, you have one; you just may need to find it).

Turn your phone off (!!!!) and read a book or listen to some Elvis Costello (sheloveshim).

Need to fix a rift between yourself and a friend/parent/relative? Fix it - starting today.

Tell the people you love that you do – often. No one ever gets tired of hearing it!

I love you a lot. I love you passionately. I love you like crazy.
And finally, remember life is short so always, ALWAYS drink good coffee.

May you have a prosperous, spirited and mentally-nutritious 
Happy New Year!

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

PYB and Her First True Best Friend

It was a long time ago; when lime green and gold where the "hot" decorating colors of the day. The PYB had just moved...again. She had already been to 3 different elementary schools and there she was in yet another new place that she had to get used to. This time it was in Grand Prairie, TX. One would think a kid would get used to having to adjust to a new school, but for a shy third grader it just wasn't so. 

The morning after the movers left the doorbell rang and the PYB and her Petite Soeur beat their Mama to the door and flung it wide open.  There, on the small concrete porch, stood two boys. Boys! They were standing there with muffins or danish of some sort saying hello, welcome to the neighborhood and they lived next door. Boys. For crying out loud. Why couldn't they be girls?? That move couldn't have become any worse in the PYB's opinion.

We learned the boys were Spencer, a 6th grader, and Kirk, a third grader like the PYB. At some point during the next few days the PYB's parents became acquainted with the boys' parents and little did they know at the time it was to be a lifelong friendship. She remembers thinking that the boys' mom, Nadine, was so beautiful, so kind and made really good breakfast food. It was decided between Mama and Nadine that Kirk, since he was her same age, would accompany the PYB to the bus on Monday and sit with her to and from school for the first week. She thought they had lost their minds! Sit with a BOY on the bus? No way. Surely he wouldn't agree to that either. Never.Gonna.Happen.

On Monday The PYB and Kirk were sitting on the bus not saying a word to each other.  Spencer, on the other hand, was taunting them making the situation even less desirable.

It went on that way for a week and the next week and the week after that and so on, but by the second week they were talking and even going to each other's house to play. They spent hours and hours together. If her memory serves her correctly Kirk taught her to roller skate (metal skates hooked to one's shoes). He also taught her how to shuffle cards; she can see him in her mind's eye sitting on the floor of his parent's living room one leg tucked up under him and the other bent so his chin would rest on his knee, rocking back and forth while they played card games. They'd build villages out of cards all down the hallway of his house. They'd watch Shirley Temple movies on Sunday afternoons and Little Rascals after school. They laughed a lot. On the weekends they'd spend time with her sister, his brother and the PYB's crazy cousin, Jami, while all their parents played poker, drank and smoked. She loved living there and she loved her best friend, Kirk.

After about a year she had to move again. And they lost touch. She's only seen him on several occasions since. He got married and still lives near his folks. Her parents stayed in touch with his parents through the years and all the moves  and eventually the PYB's parents wound up back in Grand Prairie so she'd hear snippets of info about her childhood friend and how he was fairing.

The PYB has now learned from her father that Kirk's dad has been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer which makes her heart so heavy. The PYB's mom had lung cancer and died as a result of a complication of surgery and radiation. She wants to reach out and give Kirk a virtual hug...she's hoping to connect with him soon. He probably doesn't know what his friendship meant to the PYB all those years ago and she wants to waste no more time in telling him.

Here's to the first best friends in our lives - cheers!

Thursday, May 24, 2012

This Seems To Be Happening A Lot More Lately...

Dear Sears Parts Department,
All the PYB needed was copy of a receipt to complete an expense report so she called the number on the Visa statement. She was informed that the number was no longer in service; try this new one. Ok, she did that.  After getting through the obstacle course of the phone tree she was on hold for seven minutes. Did you know that Sears parts recommends you change the water filter every 6 mo? Then the phone rang – hurrah!
**static** “Your call cannot be completed as dialed”
Are you freaking kidding?
So, she tries again. This time she was on hold for 4 minutes after being sent through the phone tree and was so excited when someone answered she hit the disconnect button instead of taking it off the speaker. FML.
So, she tries AGAIN. Immediately she screams, “CUSTOMER SERVICE!!!” and lo and behold it rings straight through and someone answers.
*dances jig*
The PYB explains what she needs and wouldn’t ya know, “M’am, I can’t help you here. Let me connect you with the correct department….” Ok, at least it’s progress.
New rep answers, she explains again what she needs and, “M’am, this is for home appliances. You need to call 1-800 blah blah blah.” She tries to remain polite as that’s what her Mama taught her.
So, she tries again. Immediately placed on hold…again. Did you know Sears is your one stop shop for all your appliance needs? 3, 4, 5 minutes tick by. Then the phone rings – hurrah! Finally, she has found her customer service guru and he has all the right answers. It only took about 30 minutes total.  Sometime between now and MAYBE the end of the day she should receive the missing receipt  via email that was supposed to arrive via USPS in the first place.

Friday, February 17, 2012

An Open Letter to United Healthcare

Dear UH,

It took her approximately 10 minutes to get to a live person when she tried to call you about an issue she was having. First she had to get through your blasted computer lady.

“To get started first tell me why you are calling,” the smooth, calming computer voice said.

PYB: Benefits

“Now tell me your ID number.”

PYB: 231321534643123 (then she coughs)

“I heard (repeats number) is that correct?”


“Please repeat the ID number”

PYB: 6479431647646464 (withheld cough)

“I heard (repeats number) is that correct?” She swears there was a tone in the voice that time, “is THAT correct you stupid human who can’t enunciate your words?”

PYB: Yes

“Now please state your date of birth.”

PYB: February 28

“I heard February 28. Is that correct?”

PYB: Yes

“Please hold while I transfer you to the right department.”

holdingholdingholding holdingholdingholding holdingholdingholding

“You’ve reached the ___ department. In order to better serve you please enter your ID number.”

She had done that already!!

PYB: 231321534643123

“I heard (repeats number) is that correct?”

PYB: Yes

“Now please state your date of birth.”

PYB: February 28

“I heard June 28. Is that correct?”

She now has the phone on speaker.


“Please repeat your date of birth.”

PYB: February 28

“I heard October 28. Is that correct?”


“Please repeat your date of birth.”

PYB: (loudly) FEBRUARY 28!!
“I heard February 28. Is that correct?”

PYB: YES!!!!

“Please hold for the next available representative. Your call may be monitored or recorded for quality purposes.”

holdingholdingholding holdingholdingholding holdingholdingholding

“Hello, this is Pam. How can I help you?”

PYB states issue.

“I’m sorry I can’t help you with that, but let me transfer you to the department that can. It will be about a two minute wait for a representative.”

holdingholdingholding holdingholdingholding holdingholdingholding
holdingholdingholding holdingholdingholding holdingholdingholding

The phone is still on speaker at this time.

holdingholdingholding holdingholdingholding holdingholdingholding

“Ms. PYB, I’m still trying to reach someone in that department.”

holdingholdingholding holdingholdingholding holdingholdingholding
holdingholdingholding holdingholdingholding holdingholdingholding
holdingholdingholding holdingholdingholding holdingholdingholding

“Ms. PYB, thank you for holding. I have Robert on the line to help you.”

She was so startled by Pam’s voice that she accidently hit the disconnect button instead of the speaker button and lost the freaking call.

So…she started all over again. The fix took all of 3 minutes. It took her about 20 minutes just to get to someone who could help her. Did she want to take a satisfaction survey at the end of the call yes, she did. Did she want to leave a voice message? Why, yes, she did.

PYB: Hello, this is the PYB, please hold while she connects you with someone who can assist you……… holdingholdingholding holdingholdingholding holdingholdingholding holdingholdingholding
holdingholdingholding holdingholdingholding holdingholdingholding holdingholdingholding holdingholdingholding holdingholdingholding holdingholdingholding holdingholdingholding

Get it together!


Wednesday, January 18, 2012

An Open Letter to the Users of the Unisex Bathroom at the North Entrance of the Building

The PYB has had this discussion with you before but, as with small children, it bears repeating over and over again.

Let's go over basic bathroom etiquette. No, let her clarify. Let's review basic public bathroom etiquette.  You see, this is not your personal restroom. The PYB doesn't care what you do at home, but she does care how you handle your bodily fluids and waste in a public setting where she is also sitting.

1. After you do your business please wipe the seat if there's been any splashage from you or from the violent eruption of water that occurs when flushing. Nobody wants to wipe up your leftovers and not be able to take a shower afterwards. 

It's disgusting.

2. If you use a toilet seat cover don't leave it on the seat after you are done! This is not a multi-use item! While it does assist in splashage cleanup The PYB doesn't want to be the one to stuff it in the commode.

It's disgusting.

3. For God's sake flush the damn thing. Unless you are five years old or less you don't have an excuse for not following through with the flush. It's not show and tell. The PYB doesn't want to see that you had corn the night before. 

It's disgusting.

4. Don't put the TP roll on the floor. There are two places to hang it so put it back where you found it...unless you found it on the floor then just throw it away. Who knows what got sprayed on it sitting down there.

It's disgusting.

5. Ladies: you know where the PYB is going so just throw your used stuff in the trash. Stashing it behind the toilet, on the sink or any other place other than the trashcan won't work. 

It's disgusting.

6. Whoever is filling the toilet with chunks of paper towels can just stop it right now. What are you? Twelve?? What's the point? Are you protesting something? Is it a hilarious joke? Do you have a vendetta against the cleaning crew? Snap out of it. This is a college for crip's sake.

It's disgusting. 
The only consolation The PYB has is that she's off to a new job at the end of the month and there's only four people working there: 3 men and The PYB. And guess, what? She has her own bathroom.