Friday, January 7, 2011

The Petite Young Blonde on the Day of Graduation

The Petite Young Blonde had une petite jeune fille brunette who was a senior in high school and graduation was a mere day away. The PJFB had worked so hard and had a great life waiting for her on the other side of high school.

On the Day Before Graduation it was decided that instead of eating out in a restaurant the family would come back to the house for a cookout. The family included the PYB’s father, sister, brother-in-law, three nieces and, wait, what was that? PJFB’s boyfriend’s family is coming over, too? With their elderly neighbor? Okay, then, why not.

Background: the boyfriend, who will be affectionately named The Mormon, was PJFB’s second boyfriend, and first prom date. The PYB had next to no experience with the Mormon religion except for being a Donny Osmond fanatic in elementary school and the few times the young ones would come to the house hoping for a conversion. All she really knew was that they didn’t drink Coke and that would suck. The Mormon had not see an R rated movie prior to meeting PJFB and probably not had been in as much trouble as he found himself in after dating PJFB. Since meeting the Mormon the PYB has educated herself on that particular religion….and enough has been said about that.

The Mormon’s mother is from another country and her English isn’t bad, but she spoke with a fairly heavy accent. The PYB was apparently having a hard time explaining over the phone what was happening for dinner, “bring your own steaks or whatever meat you’d like to grill.” So on the Day Before Graduation the Mormon's mom stopped by with a bean salad. So armed with a credit card the PYB headed to Patak’s Meat Market.

Once back from Patak’s a massive cleaning spree ensued, steaks were tenderized, veggies were marinated, wine was refrigerated…no, scratch the wine, Mormons don’t drink, Daddy doesn’t drink, sister and family don’t drink…the PYB considered starting by herself right then. Little did she know how much she was going to need it later.

Not only was it the Day Before Graduation it was also the Day Before the Next Harry Potter Movie. The PJFB grew up with Harry Potter. She had read the series many times and her Boston cousins and sister even made their own HP movie over the course of several summers. Not being at the midnight showing was NOT an option. They had purchased their tickets at least three weeks in advance. So at about 7:00pm on the Day Before Graduation, the PJFB and her friends piled into a car and went to the theater in Douglasville. No, the PYB wasn’t nervous at all about that (ha).

She tried, but the PYB could not wait up for her. The HH (hunky husband with the 6-pack abs) had already crashed and burned so she did the same. The PYB has some trouble sleeping at times and is a very light sleeper in general, so when the pounding on the door started she was up in a flash. Believing that it was the PJFB and she had forgotten her key the PYB came flying down the hall in the type of panic and disorientation one has when woken up in the middle of sleep to an unfamiliar and scary noise. She flung open the door and….

Background: the front door has a screen door, too. Being that the PYB has two cats living there most of the time the door has the heavy duty, cat proof kind of screen and therefore, it is very dark. In fact, in the dark without the porch light on there’s no way to see who is on the other side of the door standing on the porch.

…. couldn’t see her petite jeune fille brunette on the other side.

Background: the PYB sleeps in t-shirts and underwear - yeah, real sexy, but true. And when running through the house at top speed to the sound of banging on the front door, she didn’t take time to put on her eyeglasses, pants or robe. Oh, and the names have changed to protect the weird.

“Is Job here?” female voice.
“WHO???” squinting through the screen realizing it’s not the PJFB.
“Is our son here?” male voice.
“His truck is in your driveway,” male voice.
“WHAT TRUCK??? Oh, you mean Tom? No, he’s at the movies with the PJFB.” (His friends called him Tom and the PYB never knew that his first name was Job and that’s what his family called him). It was really confusing at the time not to mention disorienting.

That’s when the PYB was finally aware she is standing in her t-shirt and underwear in front of The Mormon’s parents.

“Wait here; I’ll be right back.”

She turns around with her granny panties waving at the Mormons x2 and runs back through the house. She hisses at the HH, “Get up, get up! The Mormon’s parents are here and I’m not going to entertain them by myself.” She stumbles around to find her glasses, pajama bottoms and robe then goes back to let in the other parents.

It was about 1:45am. The movie began at midnight. It was almost a three-hour movie. Douglasville was 15 miles away. The PYB figured there was about another lifetime until the kids were going to be back. What to do? Make coffee? Guess not – there was that caffeine thing and the big day tomorrow, no it’s today! The Day of Graduation is here! Offer nothing…maybe they’ll go home, but no, looks like they’re getting really comfortable and are in for the long haul. Probably should have stayed in t-shirt and panties…that would have made them uncomfortable…would have left or at least waited in their car…no, that’s rude, but so is barging into the house at 1 FREAKING 45am thinking the PJFB is further corrupting their son…okay, okay, be nice, these folks are coming back over in about sixteen hours expecting steak.

Apparently, the MPs (Mormon Parents or Military Police), had gone to the theater to look for their son, but it was closed and all the cars were gone from the parking lot. That frazzled the PYB who started thinking the worst. The teenage friend who was driving didn’t exactly have the best driving record, but then again, the movie shouldn’t have been over….but why was the theater closed and all the cars gone…and why did the MPs drive all the way to Douglasville to check on their son???

“He’s not answering his phone,” the dad said.

“It’s probably turned off,” the PYB replied. “They usually do that in a movie theater.” But, the PYB followed suit and tried calling the teen aged driver & PJFB. She was now starting to worry because of what the MPs had said about the theater, so she checked the times on her laptop and the movie was over around 2:50am. Explaining this she suddenly realized something.

“Which theater did you go to?”
“The Hiram Theater.”
“That’s not where they are. The movie is at Arbor Place Mall.”
“Tom didn’t tell us that.” Oh boy, this was NOT going to be pretty.

Okay, so now everyone was on the same page. They could go home now. But they didn’t. The MPs settled in deeper in couch to wait…were they for real??

“So, anyone want a Coke?”

Small talk ensued and it was worse than torture. The PYB was so tired and had a big day ahead. There was virtually nothing in common between the two sets of parents except for the fact they both had children graduating that day; complete opposite ends of the personality spectrum. It was suggested by the MPs that the families get together and go camping in the summer…and oh, hell no! If sitting for two hours waiting for kids felt like a slow death there was no way the PYB and HH could stand an entire weekend in the middle of nowhere with the MPs. The conversation on the Day of Graduation was stilted and awkward enough! If the MPs were thinking of a “conversion weekend” they could just go sit in the woods by themselves.

The PYB and HH were finally rescued by the sound of slamming car doors and the kids clamored onto the porch and came in. The Mormon surely knew he was in deep shit when he saw his parents’ car in the driveway as he neglected, knowingly, to tell them which theater he was going to. His parents would not have allowed him to go to Douglasville and it had been hard enough for The Mormon to convince them to allow for a midnight movie according to the PJFB. Thank goodness the Harry Potter movie wasn’t rated R! So more awkwardness occurred as the MPs chewed him out in the living room. The PYB had the feeling it was going to be the last time the Mormon would be at her house….well, at least another 16 hours for dinner.

Background: The MPs were a source of frustration for PJFB. When at The Mormon’s house they are not allowed to be alone and the mom will come up with chores for The Mormon to do while she was there. Most of their time was spent at the PYB’s house where he was further debauched by the immoral and non-Mormon girlfriend who made him watch R rated movies and drink caffeinated soft drinks.

It was about 3:30am and these people needed to GO HOME.

“Well, it’s been fun – hey, why don’t we do this again tonight? Ha, ha!” bleh.

The PYB was finally able to go back to bed, but was up a very short few hours later to get the deux petites jeunes filles brunettes off to school. Her nerves were on edge for many reasons, but most of all from fatigue. However, on the Day of Graduation she felt grateful to have raised a daughter to the point of being a high school graduate and a college bound student. A milestone had definitely been passed; she was infinitely proud of her premiere petite jeune fille brunette and was feeling selfish about having to share the evening with the people who had kept her up so late.


  1. Fantastic. This was hilarious. Thank you for brightening my day.